I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
