I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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