lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
