you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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