So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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