I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
