You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
