There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
