We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
