Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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