My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
