shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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