I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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