I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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