i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
