final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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