Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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