i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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