I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
