U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
