Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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