Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
