I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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