whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
