Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
