based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
