i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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