It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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