atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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