You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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