i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
