well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
