Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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