very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and i looked up. we had an audience...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
