My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
