spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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