If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
