I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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