bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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