shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
