Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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