the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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