PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
