i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
