I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
