My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
