if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
