The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
