he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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