i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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