Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
