I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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