i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize