Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
