Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
