Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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