please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
