The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
