Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
