im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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