Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
