Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
