Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
