Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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