There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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